Sure, sure, the Lost mythology is a miracle to behold. It's grandiose, compelling, gaspworthy and, despite what the haters would have you believe, altogether satisfying, but come on: There's a lot more to Lost than Dharma, the numbers and the four-toed statue: There's love. Yes, love.
I've seen the first two hours of Lost season five, so let's cut right to the romantic chase and answer the big questions: Which couples are still hot? Which ones are not?
Find out who's doing what with whom in the season-five premiere of Lost...
Most Adorable: Penny and Desmond
When season five begins, Desmond and Penny are living happily ever after, but by the end of the first hour their fairy-tale bliss is interrupted by a message from the great beyond. Hope those two crazy kids caught up on their cuddle time while they could...
Most Adorable, Runner-Up: Charlotte and Daniel
Everybody thinks the Professor and Mary Ann were the castaway couple to beat, but the Professor and Ginger are coming up fast. Absent-minded professor Daniel Faraday has a crush on Charlotte (aka the girl Sawyer calls "Ginger" for her red hair), and she's definitely going to appreciate his affection in the days to come...
Most Tragic: Sun and Jin
Sun believes that Jin is dead, and she is, as you would imagine, royally pissed. In the premiere she forges a questionable new alliance designed to help her wreak the vengeance she craves.
Most Tragic, Runner-Up: Kate and Sawyer
As far as Sawyer knows, the freighter blew up with Kate on in it, and that's making him extra-unreasonable and angry. He says two telling things in the premiere: "I wanted to make sure she—I wanted to make sure they got back to the boat. Doesn't matter now, does it?" and "Everybody I care about just blew up on your damn boat. I know what I can't change." Uh-oh...Is season-five Sawyer a man with nothing left to lose? (Don't go kamikaze, dude! We need you!) Most Estranged: Kate and Jack
Has Jack finally given up on Kate? At one point during the premiere, Jack announces he and Kate are no longer even friends, and he seems pretty firm on that point. How could he forget that Jack and Kate are the original Lost BFF? Most Mournful: Juliet and Jack
There's not a lot of Jacket development in the premiere, but there seems to be a little extra melancholy on the faces of both physicians when other characters mention Juliet or Jack. There's hope for the good doctors yet!
Now which of these twosomes interests you most? Or are there other sweethearts you'd like to hear about? Post in the comments, and set your DVRs now for the Jan. 21 premiere of Lost on ABC. (Yay!)
P.S. Want to know other stuff? Of course you do! Post your suggestions for other spoiler theme items (the action elements, the character growth?) in the comments or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org, and we'll do another item in the near future!